The Golden Rule

My heart is heavy as I reflect on the last few days. Via book signings and personal conversations with dear friends I have been honored with the confidence of deeply personal information. Book signings are revealing experiences. Perhaps it is because my book has an emotionally vested topic, or perhaps it happens to all authors, but as I share my story and ask people about theirs, they tell me things I could never learn from a casual chat.

One man in his late twenties, with a slim build and long, lanky legs, hung back while I visited with two other readers. Finally, it was his turn, and he seemed apprehensive. To start off the conversation I asked him if he had ever had a weight problem and he told me he had recently lost 40-pounds. Obviously, he wasn’t in need of weight management advice from me. Instead, he struggled for words as he told me about losing his job a year ago. With a degree in psychology and years of work experience he was now working part time as a waiter, alone, living in a basement apartment. Clutching a rotisserie chicken (which would turn out to be his food for the next five days) he said the job hunt had all but shut him down inside. He had actually lost 40-pounds because he could not afford enough food. This soft-spoken stranger fought the tears as he revealed his true dream was to work in an artistic field, but he felt it would not happen because nothing had gone right for him in a very long time.

“I failed,” he said, “therefore, I will continue to fail.” This line of logic feels reasonable to the one living the adversity, but is profoundly false. Without wasting time, I quickly assured him he could do anything he wanted. He just stared at me. I looked him in the eyes and said it again. I then encouraged him to get out of his door, mix it up with a different crowd, take a less-than-perfect opportunity in his preferred industry, and segue that into a better opportunity. But, without a doubt, I told him he would succeed. With a dismissive wave he said, “You probably tell that to everybody who talks with you. Right?”

At that moment I had to be honest and I said, “No. I don’t tell everybody that. Just the people who need to hear it. Do not forget how powerful you are.”

He moved on with a hint of a smile and I continued to shake hands, sign books, and listen. I heard more heartbreaking tales of weight gain caused by: failed health, medication, divorce, death, financial hardships, unfair employment situations, and even a few uplifting success stories of people taking charge of their health and losing weight.

In my personal life the people I care about have recently been inundated with pending divorces, grown kids on drugs, serious hospitalizations of children, failed businesses, the stomach flu (working its way through a family with eight children), and married partners treating each other like enemies. Big sigh!

It is a precious trust for me to carry people's stories. I don’t take them lightly or make any judgments. In my own life I have been in many of these situations. But the common thread to them all is the need for kindness and love. Really, if we all followed the Golden Rule and treated others how we want to be treated, there would be an enormous relief of sadness. As Mother Teresa said, “If everybody would just take care of their own, we could ease the suffering of mankind.” By extending beyond my own sphere to help others, I truly make a difference; maybe not to millions, but certainly to one. If we treat others with compassion, forgiveness, and the kind of respect we, ourselves, enjoy, we relieve grief and prevent hardship. Ok, sermon over, but I have no doubt that love is more powerful than any negative force. And I am grateful for the reminder.

What a gift to talk with people. I hope not to waste these opportunities by failing to listen with my whole heart. It would be nice if my book grew into an international phenomenon and I became richer than JK Rowling, but if I couldn't spend those intimate moments with strangers, one-on-one, I would lose out. My thanks to all those that have been so gracious with me. I honor you.

Tres Hatch is the author of: Miracle Pill 10 Truths to Healthy, Thin, & Sexy.